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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's often caught off guard by people. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, likely understood better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several in her circle vanished and she isn't sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both left the workforce leading to more each other more, but I am finding the part I play between us is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She has been planning a holiday to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in previously. My intention was to provide insights, but this was unappreciated. She purely only wanted validation of her plans. I recently come back from 30 days in that country and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, yet this is not often the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with a view to resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining how things go in your conversations. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to express how this makes you feel. There should be no disagreement here. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Finally involves requesting ways you together going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Remember she too has a point of view, meaning you must to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably effective for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they're unable to release since their identity depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out this way and then think your perspective. If you never reach a resolution, it will give you satisfaction from having been open and direct.